Part 1 of this blog series was about how younger babies (3-6 months) struggle to settle to sleep. Part 3 (coming soon) will focus on toddlers (1-3 years).
Babies go through a lot of changes between 6-12 months. They learn to roll, get up on all fours and rock, sit, crawl, and for some, standing and walking are also on the agenda. It is astounding that babies this age sleep at all!
This is also the age when separation anxiety becomes more pronounced and babies begin to learn about object permanence (knowing that something or someone still exists even if it can’t be seen, heard, or touched). They are also becoming more aware of cause and effect (I smile and you smile back, or I drop my cup and you pick it up). Receptive language (the ability to understand words) is beginning to happen along with more word-like babbling and stronger expression of feelings and preferences.
The combination of physical development along with cognitive changes means that sleep is often disrupted and babies may resist settling to sleep or staying asleep once settled.
Here are a few reasons why babies this age have a hard time settling to sleep and staying asleep:
As babies begin to move around more, they often roll from their backs to their tummy and then cry for help as they aren’t used to sleeping that way. They may also bump into the sides of their crib or put their feet/hands through the slats of the crib. They may also struggle to settle when they learn to crawl and stand. They wake, compelled to practice these new skills, but have a hard time settling back to sleep without help.
Your baby may cry when you put them down as they do not want to separate from you. They may be more clingy and cry whenever you leave the room or put them down, whether during the day or at night. Separation awareness is part of development, but it can mean more struggles at nap and bedtime while your baby adjusts to this new found awareness.
Your baby may need more time awake between naps now, but the transition to fewer naps can take time to adjust to. Finding the right wake windows for your child could mean there are some naps and bedtimes when they resist settling to sleep, as they have not built up enough sleep pressure (how tired your baby becomes while awake).
As babies become more aware of their surroundings, they often don’t want to miss anything and will fight sleep if they hear a noise or see something (or someone) that catches their attention. FOMO (fear of missing out) is real!
If you have been rocking or feeding your child to sleep they may have developed a preference for you to continue to do that and will wake as soon as you stop.
Teething can also be a factor during this time as new teeth start to emerge. This can wake a baby especially during the night when there are less distractions.
If your little one has been a busy bee during the day and has refused to take in enough milk and solids they may wake during the night out of hunger.
Babies this age are beginning to learn about cause and effect and may yell and cry for you when they wake at night only to smile as soon as you come into the room. Yelling is a very effective way to get you to come.
Why it’s important to give your baby time to work on settling themselves while still offering support when needed:
Sleep training is often recommended around 6 months if your little one is not sleeping for longer stretches of time on their own. Most pediatricians suggest some form of the extinction or modified extinction method (the first is when you put your baby down awake and leave the room and don’t come back, the second is when you come back briefly at predictable intervals). Though these methods can be effective they may not be quite right for every child or parent.
Another option is waiting and hoping your child will figure out how to sleep better without you having to do anything differently. This is fine, but can take quite a while. There is a middle route to take, which is what I usually propose to families seeking sleep guidance and support.
You don’t have to sleep train to help your baby learn to sleep better, but I do think it’s helpful to have some strategies to implement to encourage your child in the direction of finding ways to settle themselves. You want to avoid making settling to sleep a battle ground or a time when you feel trapped or resentful of how much your little one is fighting sleep.
Your baby isn’t resisting sleep to make you mad, so it’s important to reframe this process as a learning experience where you are guiding your child to help them learn how to navigate the process of winding down to sleep. When babies learn what they can do to settle to sleep using skills they are capable of, such as moving, rolling, and vocalizing, sleep becomes less of a struggle.
Just as with any learning experience, having support makes all the difference. You want to find a balance between giving your baby time to work on settling themselves and stepping in to offer support when they are too upset to figure it out. This process builds resilience and trust: resilience to work through struggles and trust that help will be there if needed.
Here are a few common scenarios and suggestions for how to address each challenge:
Your baby wakes frequently throughout the night, crying intensely until you pick them up.
As babies get older they become more aware and may wake throughout the night to check in. This is especially true if they fell asleep in your arms and awoke in their crib. This can also happen if they get used to feeding multiple times at night and are eating less during the day (called reverse feed cycling). If the only way your baby knows how to fall asleep is through feeding, they often want to feed to fall back to sleep. The same thing with rocking/bouncing.
Suggestion: Encourage your baby to take in more calories during the day as you slowly decrease the amount you are offering at night. Give your baby time to be awake in their sleep space for a few minutes, at bedtime and when they wake at night, so they can work on finding ways to settle themselves to sleep. This doesn’t mean you have to let them cry it out, but by giving them short periods of time to work on settling they will eventually learn what to do.
2. Previously, your baby settled to sleep very easily and stayed asleep for long stretches through the night. Now they are restless and wake often. What used to work doesn’t work anymore.
It can be so disheartening to go through these changes, but change is inevitable with a little one. Sleep often becomes a bit rocky when babies are going through developmental adjustments. This can be especially true around 4 months, 6 months, 8/9 months, and 12 months. Budding awareness can mean a more restless night, until the novelty of what your baby is learning fades. Check out my previous blog on the four developmental sleep regressions HERE.
Suggestion: Know that sleep will shift and change as your baby gets older. If what you once did doesn’t work anymore, try doing less to get your baby to sleep and give them more time to work on ways to settle themselves. You can still offer support, but by doing less you are giving them time to work on the skills needed to settle to sleep.
3. As soon as you approach your baby’s room, they start to cry and cling to you.
Your baby recognizes your routine and knows what is coming next. This is a good thing! They may not like it, but predictability is important. This does not mean you should not go into the room or get ready for sleep. It’s an opportunity to talk with your little one in a calm, soothing voice about how it’s time to get ready for sleep and you will be there to help.
Suggestion: Spend time in your child’s room during the day so you aren’t going in there just for sleep. Listen to music, sit down on the floor together, and hang out. When it’s time to get ready for sleep, talk to your baby about what is coming next and acknowledge their expression of feelings. It might help to take a little longer with the transition from being awake to settling to sleep by reading a few books or singing a few songs.
4. Your baby has learned to roll from their back to their tummy but has not yet figured out how to roll from tummy to back. Every time you put them down they flip over and then start to cry.
It may be tempting to rush in and pick your little one up when this happens, as you don’t want them to become too upset, but slowing down and giving them a little time to get used to being on their tummy will help them figure out that they can put their head down and settle there. If your baby can roll to their tummy on their own and there isn’t anything in the crib with them, they can sleep that way. They will figure out how to roll back to their back with time and practice.
Suggestion: When your baby rolls to their tummy and starts to cry, stroke their back and talk to them in a soothing voice about it being ok that they are on their tummy. Don’t be in a hurry to move them. Then, slowly roll them to their back rather than picking them up right away. That way they can feel how to roll off their tummy and will eventually be able to do it on their own.
5. Your baby has learned to stand but they don’t yet know how to sit back down on their own. Every time you lay them down in their bed they pop up to stand, refusing to lie back down.
It may be tempting to hold your baby down to keep them from standing, but this can become a power struggle and one you can’t win. It’s better to show them how to sit back down and then let them work on it so that they know how to get back down on their own.
Suggestion: Lay your baby down on their back at nap time and bedtime like you usually do. If they pull themselves to standing, sit down next to the crib and pat the mattress to bring their attention down to your hand and talk to them about how they can sit down. Then, stand up and tap the back of your baby’s knees so their knees bend and help your little one let go of the rail so they squat down. Then pat the mattress again. They might stand right back up and you may have to repeat the process a few times before they settle. If your baby refuses to lie down from a sitting position, give them a little more time to sit. Once you see they are falling asleep sitting up, you can then gently help them lie down.
6. Bedtime used to be a peaceful time of rocking and/or feeding your baby to sleep. Now, as soon as you stop rocking they wake up and begin to cry. It’s taking longer and longer to get your baby to sleep.
Your baby is starting to anticipate that you are going to stop rocking or feeding and they keep themselves from fully letting go to sleep. It may be time to do less to help your little one settle and give them more time to work on settling themselves.
Suggestion: Put your baby down awake in their sleep space first so they have time to work on settling themselves. It’s not likely going to result in them going to sleep without help, but it gives them time to move around, get some energy out, and get used to being put down awake. Then, if they can’t settle to sleep on their own you can help them get there with a little rocking or feeding. Try to stop rocking as soon as they settle to sleep and hold them in stillness for a few minutes before you transfer them into their crib.
7. Your baby is refusing to eat much during the day as they are distracted by all the activity in the house and don’t want to miss anything. You offer and offer but they turn away from milk and meals. Then, throughout the night they are restless and screaming unless you offer milk.
It can be so challenging when your little one refuses to eat much during the day and wakes up to eat during the night. We know that hungry babies have a hard time sleeping, so it can be challenging to adjust this dynamic. It can be especially challenging if you are very tired and know that feeding at night will mean you all can get back to sleep more quickly.
Suggestion: Create a predictable routine when milk and meals are offered. Try not to offer milk or food over and over hoping your child will eat. This can create a power struggle. If possible, offer milk after naps when your baby is still a bit sleepy and while you are still in a darker, quieter room. If your baby wakes during the night, try other ways to help them settle first and then offer a small amount of milk if needed. You want to slowly decrease the amount you are feeding at night while you increase the amount they are taking in during the day.
Parenting babies between the ages of 6-12 months can be wonderful and exciting! Everyday is a new adventure with your little one as they learn and grow at an exhilarating pace. It can also be exhausting; you are likely very ready to have longer stretches of sleep. It can be challenging to be patient with your active baby, especially if you are told that babies this age should be sleeping for longer stretches.
This is where working with a sleep consultant can be very helpful. Coming up with a plan that is tailored to you and your baby will go a long way to helping you all get the rest you need so you can be ready for whatever the next day has in store for you. Let me know if I can help!
Part 3 on why toddlers (1-3 years) resist sleep and suggestions to help make sleep less of a battle is coming soon!
Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog post is for general informational purposes only and should not be considered as medical advice. Always consult with a pediatrician or healthcare professional for specific medical advice. Every baby is different, and what works for one may not work for another.
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